One of my husband’s friends gave him a hard time because I “slammed” him in my blog the other day. I was dumbfounded, since the post in question didn’t mention my husband, and my comment was a general one about how mothers tend to feel guilty for frittering away time on the internet instead of spending it with their children, whereas fathers apparently don’t, from what I’ve been able to ascertain at least. I never said my husband wasted more time online than I do, or that I read to our children more than he does, or even that there would be anything wrong with the situation if those things were true.
When I started this blog, I made a conscious decision that I would not use it to “vent” when I was frustrated and upset with my husband, as so many female bloggers – especially the ones who are mothers – do. I will, however, be writing fairly often about male-female issues on a more general societal level. These issues are central to the book I’m writing, and are frequently on my mind. But I will never, at least intentionally, write anything about my husband personally that I would be offended if he wrote about me.
Amy of Amalah.com is typical of some of the Mommy Bloggers out there, who pull no punches in cataloguing their husbands’ shortcomings for all the cyberworld to see. In just a few recent posts, she tells how her husband Jason did a lousy job installing a light fixture, screwed up her instructions about bringing home dinner, was too incompetent to install a simple childproof latch to a cabinet, and so forth. Occasionally Jason does come out looking less incompetent than Amy, but the proportions seem to follow the sitcom rule: smart wife/mother, clueless dope of a husband/father who occasionally does something right only so you don’t throw up your hands and call her an idiot for putting up with him.
I will tell you, if I wrote half – no, a tenth – no, make that any – of the things a lot of these blogging women write publicly about their husbands, I seriously doubt I’d still be married. I have an idea I’d get an “It’s me or that blog!” ultimatum, and he would mean it. My husband loves me, but public ridicule is a price I know he’d be unwilling to pay for that love.
And you know what? I wouldn’t put up with it either. I wonder how many of the Mommy Bloggers would, for that matter, if it were their husbands spewing forth all their foibles and foolishness on blogs for the whole world to read.